It's been a long road. Four years since the worst day of my life, and sometimes, especially near the anniversary, I still find myself lost in the memories.
Even during the "good" months, there are bad days, when the past seems too close and everything is a reminder. Those days the only thing keeping me in the present is Sparkie.
Most of you won't understand. You won't get how important Sparkie is. You might think it's unhealthy to rely on a dog so much, worry that I'm not dealing with my grief "properly." But you weren't there in my darkest hours. You never saw the moments I felt like giving up, unable to find solid ground. You didn't see my pain, didn't see me guilty and grieving and wandering through the weeks in a fog. But Sparkie did.
Sparkie's a service dog for my Asperger's Syndrome/High Functioning Autism, but she also helps with the effects of what happened on 12 March 2011.
Wherever I go now, Sparkie is with me. Whenever the memories overwhelm me, she is there. It doesn't matter if I'm in an office ten stories up in the middle of Melbourne's CBD, she will be right there to pull me back to the present. On long nights when sleep is hard to find, Sparkie lies next to me like a barrier against the nightmares. She gives me a reason to get up each morning, to keep moving forward.
I don't think the memories will ever stop hurting, but Sparkie is always there to remind me I'm not alone. I would not be here today if it wasn't for her.
Dear Jaz, you are in my prayers daily and I know God holds you steady and loves you immensely more than you can ever think.
ReplyDeleteLove the video you made too. Very creative. XXX