Not Just Surviving

I've tried to write a new post several times this month but it's been hard. Too hard to put into words what's been going on, without implicating those involved. We're on the edge of another change, and I'm so sick of being taken for granted, taken advantage of. We trust and we love and we want so badly to believe what we're told, believe we've made it, but the world is against us. "You're safe here." They're just words. And words are meaningless these days.

But it's time to think of the good. There is always some good in life, although it can be hard to find. The evening sky on fire. A cool day after weeks of excessive heat. A once-terrified cow accepting human contact for the first time and returning your affection with a lick.

Skuggi went to an agility seminar with me earlier this month. We were one of the lucky few selected to train with the winner of the 2018 Agility World Championship, and we had a great time. He was so fun and patient and his instructions easy to follow.

One of my favourite cows had surprise twins. Unfortunately, the first one was stillborn, and I assumed the next one would be as well after it took a solid six hours for it to be born due to wrong positioning. But she was still alive, and with some TLC she got stronger, and nearly two weeks later she has grown heaps and full of energy. 

I brought my first car just before Christmas. Although my driver's license expired a while ago and I haven't had time to get it renewed yet, I am so happy I now own a car and it's beautiful. 

The future is so uncertain but sadly that's nothing unusual. It feels like no matter what choices we make, where we go, we always end up here. But, we keep fighting. Always keep fighting. Just carrying on, like we always do, until we get out of the darkness. Until we can start believing the words we're hearing. Until we feel like we're living and not just surviving. Because this, right now? This isn't living.