A Step Backward

This morning, we got fired. We got fired for several reasons, and they were all things that aren't even true or are so stupid I can't believe it was listed as a reason. There are literally no valid reasons behind it. But it's been building for a while. The signs were all there. It's not a surprise. It's not unexpected. But it's so disappointing.

Although the accusations were directed at my dad, and technically he is the one losing his job, words like that trickle down and affect us all. Besides the fact the job and house were a package deal, meaning that we now all have to move out. We all worked on this farm as a team and so we take the criticism and rejection as a team. This is a harsh blow.

This farm was supposed to be "it." You know, the place where we could stay forever and build our future. We were supposed to be challenging the old fashioned ideas about cows and pushing to change the way things are done in the dairy industry, showing that there is an ethical, humane way to farm dairy, sharing milk with the calves it's meant for. It seemed so perfect and I was so excited and grateful for this opportunity to be working on what was basically my dream farm. But it didn't turn out that way. It's so hard looking at the cows and their babies today and knowing that in just two weeks, we'll be saying goodbye forever. Over the past year, we've put in so much time here, so much love and care into these beautiful animals, and the level of trust they have in us now is amazing. That we're being forced to let that go is heartbreaking.

I suppose we'll go back to a conventional farm now, and pretend it doesn't tear me apart to send newborn calves on the truck to the slaughterhouse. Pretend I am okay with everything that goes on behind the scenes on a dairy farm. The last farm I worked on before moving here was such a nightmare, cruelty so prevalent every single day and there was nothing I could do. The thought of returning to a situation like that is just horrible. But we are dairy farmers. And we need a job and a property big enough for our three pet calves. We need a house and someone who will accept five dogs in it. What else can we do?

It feels like a step backward. It feels like a betrayal. It feels like we're losing everything.

What If

It's been a while coming, but this morning we officially said goodbye to our days of living on the road, as our house bus went to its new home. It's been nearly a full year since we last drove it anywhere, so it was time to let it go. 

Thinking back to those travelling times is very much a mixed bag of feelings. The freedom of not having a job. But at the same time, the stress of not having a job because no job meant very little money. I've written so many long posts about life on the road before so there's no need to dive back into that. Those years we spent drifting across the country really did shape who we are now. But looking into the future, I can't see us ever returning to that lifestyle. 

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I wonder if people get bored reading my blog these days. I started this blog back in 2012, as a sort of travel diary to keep everyone updated on our adventures. Lately posts have been few and far between, and my focus has shifted since the days of travel.

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We had our first agility trial of the year on March 23. Although we didn't get any clear rounds, we did get two beautiful runs that were very close to clear, and one bad run (my bad handling was the cause of that though) and I came away feeling very positive for this trialing season. We are definitely working better as a team. Skuggi's focus and confidence were much improved. Unfortunately we have had to pull out of the two trials I had planned since, due to work commitments on the farm. Nobody else can be trusted with the cows, apparently. I am hoping to get to another trial next weekend. It's only a half-day trial, so instead of leaving home at 4am, we can leave at 8am.

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But it's a good thing we did not get to compete today as originally planned, because we had a cow give birth breech this afternoon, requiring a team effort to save the calf. If we hadn't been on duty today, I really think it would not have been noticed in time. But thankfully we were here and the calf is doing well. She is a very big and very beautiful girl!

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Sadly we don't always "win" with calving problems. Recently, my favourite cow Rose gave birth to twins, both requiring assistance to be born. The first one was in the right position, but the placenta came out ahead of her. And the second one was breech. Thankfully we were able to save both these little girls, but poor Rose became very ill shortly afterwards. We did the best we could, but tragically Rose passed away four days after the birth. It was heartbreaking and it is so hard not to dwell on the "what if"s and "if only"s. I am thankful for the resilience of Rose's beautiful babies, Ruby and Gemma, who are now over a week old and thriving in our care.