A Step Backward

This morning, we got fired. We got fired for several reasons, and they were all things that aren't even true or are so stupid I can't believe it was listed as a reason. There are literally no valid reasons behind it. But it's been building for a while. The signs were all there. It's not a surprise. It's not unexpected. But it's so disappointing.

Although the accusations were directed at my dad, and technically he is the one losing his job, words like that trickle down and affect us all. Besides the fact the job and house were a package deal, meaning that we now all have to move out. We all worked on this farm as a team and so we take the criticism and rejection as a team. This is a harsh blow.

This farm was supposed to be "it." You know, the place where we could stay forever and build our future. We were supposed to be challenging the old fashioned ideas about cows and pushing to change the way things are done in the dairy industry, showing that there is an ethical, humane way to farm dairy, sharing milk with the calves it's meant for. It seemed so perfect and I was so excited and grateful for this opportunity to be working on what was basically my dream farm. But it didn't turn out that way. It's so hard looking at the cows and their babies today and knowing that in just two weeks, we'll be saying goodbye forever. Over the past year, we've put in so much time here, so much love and care into these beautiful animals, and the level of trust they have in us now is amazing. That we're being forced to let that go is heartbreaking.

I suppose we'll go back to a conventional farm now, and pretend it doesn't tear me apart to send newborn calves on the truck to the slaughterhouse. Pretend I am okay with everything that goes on behind the scenes on a dairy farm. The last farm I worked on before moving here was such a nightmare, cruelty so prevalent every single day and there was nothing I could do. The thought of returning to a situation like that is just horrible. But we are dairy farmers. And we need a job and a property big enough for our three pet calves. We need a house and someone who will accept five dogs in it. What else can we do?

It feels like a step backward. It feels like a betrayal. It feels like we're losing everything.