Struggle On

I wanted so badly for my next post to be of good news. Some positivity. I wanted to be able to tell you all that things had changed for the better, that life was looking better. But unfortunately, things have gone from bad to worse. 

On June 13, Goldie went into labour. We watched her closely all day and then into the night until at 2am, we had to assist her in birthing a stillborn calf. The most beautiful gold and white heifer calf, exactly what we had hoped for, but she was dead. There is no explanation for why - only "these things happen sometimes." We are having to hand milk Goldie once a day. She has been a good girl. But we never intended for things to happen like this. We weren't supposed to be in a situation like this.

We're now coming up on eight weeks of homelessness. Earlier this month we were so close to getting into a rental house but at the last minute, it fell through. A devastating blow to morale after allowing ourselves to feel excited and hopeful. As of right now, we are facing the possibility of further months living in tents with no income.

Tents are not designed for long-term use and ours are starting to struggle. Broken zipper on the door. Leaks in the roof. There is no heating, of course, so whatever temperature it is outside, so it is inside the tents. One night this week, we had such a cold night that Skuggi's water bowl, which is in my tent "bedroom," had a layer of ice on the top by 9am. 

And then there's the fact we have no income and have used up all our savings. It's become a struggle just to keep food on the table. People have suggested we sell our pet cattle. Our two steers, Spartan and Logan, and our recently calved cow Goldie. I know if we sold the boys, they would end up on someone's plate. How would you feel saying goodbye to your beloved pet, who you'd raised from a baby, knowing that you are condemning them to a horrible death? That their next owner will only see them as food and so treat them accordingly? That's the trouble with having a "food animal" as a pet. Most people would not understand.

So we struggle on. I don't know what we will do next. There's a lot of talk. Lots of ideas. Nothing solid. But something has to change soon because we are barely surviving out here.