Good At Surviving

Deleted the first half of this post that talked about the past and how crappy life has treated me, and all the things I loved and lost in 2020. 

Because I want to end this year with some good thoughts. 

Skuggi gained two clear rounds this year, in the two championship agility trials we got to, which doubled the number of clear round certificates he had from 2018 and 2019. Combined. So perhaps 2021 will be the year we finally get to move into the next class. It does feel like we're getting it together more often now. Our next competition is the last weekend of January and I can't wait to be back out in the ring.

We brought six chooks in mid-November, ex-egg farm hens, saved from certain death because apparently, the farmer kills his chooks after one season, replacing them with the next generation of chooks. But anyway, our chooks are doing well. We're getting 4 or 5 eggs a day, which is pretty good. The fact they aren't all laying consistently is the reason why they were going to be culled. That, and the way some of their eggs weren't quite perfect, because a lot of their calcium is going into feather growing because they were finishing up a spring molt. They are getting better though. And they are very friendly. We let them out in the morning to free-range for the day and then put them away at night around 8pm. Which is still broad daylight, by the way, but they're ready to go to bed and run eagerly back into the coop when we go up there. We're getting more than 15 hours of daylight at the moment. But, my dad has to be up at 3am, or near enough, for work most mornings, so there's no time to appreciate the longer days. It's more of an annoyance than anything, trying to go to sleep when it's still so bright outside.

The weather has been far cooler lately than what we're used to. It reaches 25 and the locals start complaining about how hot it is. But having experienced weeks of 35+ back in Australia, this has been a lovely cool summer so far. This time last year it was regularly reaching more than 40 degrees. And we were living in a bus in the middle of nowhere, jobless, homeless, flat broke and majorly depressed. I'm still depressed, but a little less often than before. I'm not homeless. And I'm not quite jobless anymore either or broke, because I'm mowing lawns for the landlady and I still have money left over from selling so much of my life back in Australia. I still really miss working with cows though. Getting back into dairying has proven to be far more difficult than I'd hoped, and I don't have any experience in any other field so I don't know what else to do. If only a certain person in the past hadn't turned out to be such a scumbag. (If you know, you know. Otherwise, just look through some of my older posts.)

I keep tentatively making plans for 2021. More agility. Road trips. Finally getting off my learner driving license. But perhaps I'll achieve nothing but just surviving to the end of another year. And that would have to be good enough.

Anyway, here's a video recap of the year. 

Click here if it's not showing below.

Where We Came From

So much has happened in the short space of time between selling our land and now. And suddenly we're back in New Zealand and it somehow feels both like not-quite-coming-home and completely foreign. I think too much about what I've lost.

But small things like turning on the tap and having instant hot water. Hot showers. Heating. Constant electricity. Mountain views. A flushing toilet. Carpet on the floor. I have been taking these things for granted again and forgetting where we came from.

No more late nights around the campfire, eking out the last bit of warmth from the smoldering embers before rushing through the nightly chores, hoping to get it all done and then into bed before you lose feeling in your fingers and toes. Hearing the wind roar in the trees and then moments later, the tent threatening to collapse under the strength of it. Rain coming down sideways, the wind pushing it through the tent seams. And after that, heat and dust and smoke and never being fully clean. Midnight and still 35*C, all the windows closed tight to keep out the smoke and the fans only blowing scorching air around. The niggling fear in the back of your mind because you know how fast fire moves and you would have to leave things behind. We prepared as much as we could but it would never have been enough. 

It sounds traumatic when I type it out, but it wasn't. The hardest part was the end of it. (And there I go again, back into those dark thoughts because I have lost so much and I can never get it back.)

We got a cozy house. My dad has a farm job. Things are... I won't say good. But, they aren't terrible. I should be grateful I still have some happiness left. Of better times, happy memories that I shouldn't allow to become tainted with grief. We had a good run back there. And now in the present day, Sparkie bouncing gleefully through the snow. She's never seen snow before and she loves it. I am surprised. And hares and lambs and beautiful birdsong, and we've landed in the one place in New Zealand that has a wallaby problem so it's a taste of the old days, although we have only seen one on the property so far.

We've been in this house for two weeks now. Unpacking my box and suitcase is a slow process. I have a handful of things out now - my dogs' trick title certificates, a drawing of Sparkie from a friend, my little Wolverine figurine. I don't know when I'll feel settled, when I'll feel safe. How many times now have I allowed myself to feel that way only to have it all taken off me again?

Writing continues to be an outlet, both here and in my fanfictions, a way to process my feelings and sort my thoughts into a coherent order. I'll never stop being open about my struggles. And I shouldn't feel like I have to. Depression is a real thing and a nasty thing, and something people shouldn't be ashamed of. Although, for the sake of my few loyal blog readers, I should make some attempt not to go too dark in my posts. (eg, my last post. oops)

Sad Reflections

Warning for dramatic emotional post ahead. I apologize in advance.

I never know what to write anymore. Case in point that for quite some time, I completely blanked on what to type after that sentence. Apparently, all I'm able to write now are complaints and sad reflections of better days. I won't blame you if you choose not to read my blog anymore.

When I started this blog, we were still travelling and performing at shows with the dogs. Adventures were plentiful, from vehicle breakdowns to encounters with drunks to the new things we trained the dogs. A new view every morning. I loved what I did and I put that into this blog. And even after that part of my life ended, and I traded in the performer life for a "real job," there was still plenty to blog about. Dairy farming provided plenty of inspiration to write, with stories of the silly things cattle get up to and the drama of bad weather. The satisfaction of saving a calf's life, because I knew what I was doing and I was good at it, was one of the best feelings of all.

But then I lost everything. The days became monotonous. I was angry, but more than that I was tired. I still looked at their Instagram account, because I missed my old life, and I hated how happy they seemed. While I was out there homeless and broke because of them, they had everything that I wanted so badly. "Don't be bitter," people said. But I am bitter, and I am angry, and I probably will be for a long time because they destroyed my life. They offered me everything that they knew I wanted and then they took it away. And it had no consequence for them. They knew when they did it that we couldn't fight it, that they were untouchable. They were too clever.  And so instead they got everything, and I have nothing. How do I move on from something like that? How do I let that go?

Because their betrayal started the chain reaction that led to us returning to New Zealand. I thought I'd lost everything when we left the farm, but of course, I still had more to lose. And life is determined to take it all. 

I never really talked about how hard it was to give up Logan. I tried not to think too much at the time. There were plenty of other things going on to distract me. Always keep moving. But now that life is quiet and boring again, I think of him almost every day and it still hurts. I worked so hard to get him trained to the level he was. He was going to be mine forever and I had so many big dreams for our future.

Being without an assistance dog is hard. I spent seven years with a dog at my side wherever I went. First with Sparkie, and then with Skuggi. They gave me freedom beyond what I'd thought possible. But now I almost wish I'd never trained Sparkie to be one all those years ago, because then I'd never know what real independence felt like, or the confidence I'm capable of feeling.

I miss my Australian friends. People are nice here, and I have a few kiwi Facebook "friends," but it's not the same. I don't really know anyone in this country. I miss my friends who've had my back for years, who I only got to see a few times because they lived so far away but we still talk regularly, the ones who I feel I can tell almost anything to and they will understand.

I know it will take time to build a life here, but it's like starting back at the beginning. I don't know if I have the strength to build it all again. I wasted so many years of my life putting things together, designing my happy ending only to have it all ripped away by one person's selfish act. He did this to me and I can't even talk about it openly because legally he did nothing wrong. And that is the worst part of all this - that he gets away with what he's done. Because apparently being a bad person has no consequences in this life and it gets you everything you want, but if you're a good one? Prepare to lose everything you love.

Heartless

 I just missed my window of opportunity to write another upbeat post. The job I mentioned in my last post didn't work out, but my dad was contacted by another one shortly afterward. And we got accepted. And as part of the job, we got a house as well. We spent 48 hours in comparative luxury, full of gratitude for how good our life had become. From our beautiful new house, we could see both the ocean and the snow-tipped mountains from opposite windows. The backyard was big enough to exercise the dogs and for the kids to play. It was five minutes from town, where besides every shop we could ever need, there was an agility club that not only did training but also held competitions three times a year. It couldn't be more perfect and I was happier than I had been for a long time. The future looked good. What a wonderful 48 hours it was. 

View to the west.

View to the east.

My lovely bedroom all set up on Saturday night.

But then yesterday morning, the boss/landlord turned up as we were returning from a walk down the road with our dogs. He seemed confused. He asked how many dogs we had. Even though that information was in my dad's cover letter and we had also told him at the interview, he claimed he "hadn't realized" how many we had. And he wasn't happy. We spoke at length with the boss about it, trying to compromise, but he could not be swayed.

And so our happy little life has imploded around us once again. We can stay here for the week, but after that, we have to leave. And go where? There's nothing. I'm devastated. I am so tired of everything going wrong. What is the point? Why does this keep happening? I gave up almost everything to come back to New Zealand and for a brief moment, I thought it may have been worth it. But now I wish I was still living in the bus on our empty property where at least we didn't have to worry about being kicked out and I had Logan and Pixie and my small group of friends.

Freedom

So after a whirlwind eight weeks to pack up thirteen years of life, and two weeks holding our breaths in mandatory isolation enduring regular temperature checks and two COVID-19 tests, we finally stepped outside into our New Zealand freedom around 6:30pm on July 23. 

Isolation went really fast though. Going into it, I was dreading two weeks with such strict rules and being without any pets (for the first time in twelve years). But with plenty of outside time in a fenced car-park (between 9am and 4pm), decent food, unlimited internet, and kindness from everyone on the staff and security teams, it was actually not that bad. Our room was comfortable and clean and we could step outside into our own private "smoker's area" whenever we liked, which was a lovely little foresty garden with a flowing stream. The only rules were you had to wear a mask at all times when outside your room (that did not include the smoker's area), keep 2 metres away from anyone outside your "bubble," and not linger in the hallways. The NZ government has done a great job setting this whole thing up.

This was the private smoker's area outside our windows and sliding door.

The exercise area. This was taken on a chilly, overcast day which meant there were very few other isolators out here.

We had a van and a caravan to pick up once we were free. And we had almost secured a dairy farm job with a house before leaving iso too, but the day before we were released, we got some bad news. We were told it would take about two weeks to find out if we could have the job or not, but in the meantime, we collected our pets and booked into a caravan park, and continued to apply for other jobs in case the original one doesn't work out. I have my fingers crossed I will have some very good news for you in my next post, but I don't want to speak too soon, after so many plans falling through.

The pets have settled in straight away. They have obviously been taken good care of in the boarding kennels, although understandably the dogs were all a bit hyper after the two flights to get to Christchurch. Our caravan park is within walking distance to a large reserve beside a lake, where dogs are allowed off the lead, so we go up there every morning to let the dogs run. On a clear day, it also has a stunning view of the snow-covered mountains. So appreciate these photos I took of the pack enjoying a run there last week.

I got invited to run "not-for-competition" at a local trial last Saturday, while I'm still waiting for our DogsNZ registration papers to arrive. It was so much fun to be back at a trial and Skuggi was so excited as well! There are quite a few differences to Australian trials, most notably how everyone was free to reward their dog with toys or food at the finish line. Back in Australia, the rules are so strict about not playing with them in the ring that if you engage in tug too enthusiastically with your dog's lead at the end before leaving the ring, you can get disqualified. It was always a bit stressful because Skuggi loves to tug! I also had a try at "Tunnellers" with Freya, which was a super fun course made totally of (you guessed it) tunnels. Jessica also had a go at Tunnellers with Tess, and Chana ran two regular classes with Lassie. A great time was had by all!

Goodbyes

On June 11, I led Logan into a stock trailer, along with his friend Spartan, and said goodbye to them forever. The following morning I received the news that they arrived safely in their new home, in beautiful Gippsland, where they will live out the rest of their days along with Goldie, who had been taken there the day before. 

Pixie and her friends were also delivered to their new home this week, where they are being very much loved by a small family. The new owners have been sending us photos and our rats look very happy, so that's nice.

Sneaky Pixie, probably thinking of sneaky Pixie things.

*****

So with all that heartbreak behind us and only 19 days until our flight, I guess it's time to start looking forward. The remaining pets (our five dogs, and the cat Harley) are being picked up on July 8 to go into kennels for 14 days, while we are in the isolation hotel in Auckland. When our isolation ends, they will be flown over to NZ to join us. What a happy day that will be, being let out of the hotel, free again, and getting to reunite with my dogs!

There's still a lot to organize, lots to pack and sort. Most of my stuff is selling fast though so that's good. I may or may not get another blogpost up before we go. And that's a weird thought, that this could easily be my last post written from Australia.

Going Through Changes

We've been wrestling with this decision since we left How Now Dairy, but hitting one year of homelessness last month was the turning point. So my parents went to the real estate agent last Thursday afternoon, May 21, to list our land for sale. On Friday morning, the agent came out to take photos for the listing, and with her was a man who was looking for a new property for his horses. And he agreed to our price. Within 24 hours, our proposed timeline suddenly shrunk from three months to just six weeks, at which point my family and I will be returning to our homeland, New Zealand. The past twelve months have shown us that we have no future in Australia.

While I'm allowed to bring my dogs, our rats and our cattle will have to be rehomed. It's very upsetting but life hasn't left us with any other options. Our calves will be moving to a new home in northern Victoria. I haven't even looked for a new home for our rats yet.

There is so much to be done. Besides sorting our stuff and packing. Flights, hotels, a job and a place to live on the other side. I expect NZ's enforced quarantine will still be in place by the time we go, so we'll have to spend two weeks in a hotel under strict supervision by authorities. The worst part of that will be not having my dogs with me. And New Zealand law does not allow "owner training" of assistance dogs, so Skuggi won't be an assistance dog anymore. My whole lifestyle is going to change.

I have mixed feelings about this. Excitement about a new adventure, some relief that our sucky situation is going to change, but also a lot of anxiety and sadness. New Zealand is a beautiful country, but I never wanted to return there to live. Visit, sure, but my whole life was in Australia. This is my home - I suppose now I should say "was my home." Its people have let us down too many times and we can't survive here. But saying goodbye to my friends, my playful steer Logan, my mischievous rat Pixie, and everything I worked so hard for during 13 years in this country will be hard. I hope it's worth it in the end.

My next post should be more upbeat. It is nice to finally have something to aim for, and an end date for this unpleasant chapter of my life.

(Sorry for the lack of photos in this post. Blogger is having some issues today, apparently.)

One Year

Heads up. This is a rant post. A whinge post. I'm not in a good headspace and this post reflects that. So if you don't want to read my complaints about my life, you should stop reading now.

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A year ago today, we drove out the front gate of How Now Dairy for the last time, exhausted and anxious with no idea what would happen next. I certainly didn't think I would ever be writing this post.

But today marks one year of homelessness. One year of begging for help and hoping this nightmare would end. One year of applying for jobs and being ignored or turned down. One year of being repeatedly betrayed and abandoned by people I thought cared about us. 

My dogs and I spent the first ten nights sleeping on a mattress in the back of my car.

The first version of our camp.

Our cattle eating well, although Goldie was still a little thin after calving.

The first couple of months out here weren't too bad. In fact, within a short amount of time, we had managed to score another job and a house. But the day before we were going to move in, things started to fall apart. And then we lost it all. The house and the job and the friend who had helped organize it, and Goldie's calf as well.

Camp version 2 in June, now with two canvas tents. There were a lot of foggy days during this time.

After that, morale took a big hit. We only had enough savings for approximately two months, and once that time was up, the money ran out. We went into the winter living in tents. Some people started to act like this whole thing was our own fault. Some unkind things were said and we realized those people did not have our best interests at heart. With us living like this, we had nothing left to give and it brought out people's true colours. Trust is a hardwon thing but easily damaged, apparently, and we lost more people than I expected as the support dropped away and we were condemned for our "poor choices." But anyway, we kept living, through the frosty nights and squally rains. And then we came into spring, still in the tents.

Out on the bush tracks with Tess and Skuggi, October 2019.

Early days in the bus, with the bunks not quite fully installed.

Eventually, we got a nice bit of extra money from the government and brought an ex-school bus to live in. But summer was even tougher than the winter. No airconditioning through multiple days of 40*C+. I remember one horrible night in particular where it was still 35 degrees at midnight, with gusty winds that were scorching hot and carrying a heavy blanket of smoke into our camp. We were quite worried about bushfires but in a minor miracle, our property remained safe. And summer ended, and what a relief it has been to experience the cool of autumn and the first decent rainfalls of 2020.

A smoky day on the property, January 2020.

But winter is on its way back again now and we're still here, and it feels like it won't end. I ask myself, what did we do to deserve this? Why are we still homeless and jobless after a whole year of applying for multiple jobs every week? The only answer I can come up with is that people suck. They don't care about others. While we have had some help from some people and I am so grateful to them, at this point I truly believe that the majority of the population is selfish. 

When we first ended up here, someone told me not to be bitter. But I am bitter. I'm angry. The unfairness of the situation eats at me. The endless stress of not knowing if we'll be able to afford food next week or fuel to run our generator for power is exhausting.

I don't know what will happen next, because I don't have any options. I don't have any choices. (Grammarly asks, don't you mean you don't have "many" choices? No, I really do mean that I don't have any.) I feel like my life is just kind of happening, time going by without me. It's forcing me where I don't want to go and whatever happens next is completely out of my control. I want to believe I have a future, and a good life ahead of me, but the past twelve months have destroyed all my dreams and now I can't do any of the things I'd planned to.

We gave everything we had at How Now Dairy and what did we get in return? Nothing.

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I've written this blog post over several weeks. Taking parts out, adding things in, trying to accurately convey what it's like to live like this. And I wanted so badly to be able to end this post with some good news, some hope, but I have none.

The best dogs, my whole reason for getting up every morning.

Distancing

The world has changed a lot in the past two weeks. We've gone from the laughable toilet paper panic and frenzied hoarding, into an apocalyptic-feeling reality where most of the shops are closed and you aren't even allowed to have a barbeque with your extended family.

We didn't get to go to the agility trial on the weekend. On Monday, the 16th, all competitions were canceled until the end of April. Now the two trials in May have also been canceled, and the agility nationals have been postponed to a currently unspecified date. At this rate, we'll be lucky to have any competitions at all this year.

People remain divided between the panicked, the complacent, and the cautious. It's hard to know where on the scale to be. Am I reacting appropriately? Am I taking this seriously enough? Or am I worrying too much? It's a constant internal debate. And going shopping is more stressful than ever as I have to keep in mind the social distancing rules. Did I walk too close to that person? Am I standing too far away while they're talking to me? Thankfully most shops have Xs taped onto the floor and lines to show you where to stand in the queue, where to walk, so I don't have to guess all the time. I try to remember to smile and say thank you to people but honestly, I just want to get my groceries and get back home because it's exhausting. And finding cheap enough groceries continues to be a struggle because everyone is still buying them excessively, leaving us with the more expensive options.

Skuggi "blocking" at the supermarket yesterday, a task I always used to encourage people to give me extra space and now it's more useful than ever.

But so far our lifestyle hasn't suffered a drastic change with all these new restrictions, unlike many others. We've already been out of work for nearly eleven months now. And we haven't been able to afford to go anywhere aside from shopping for most of that time either. The only thing I really miss is the agility trials. I had high hopes for Skuggi's agility this year but as always life finds some way of ruining plans.

Sprinting to the finish line at our last agility trial, November 2019.

But otherwise, life just continues. I'm still sewing dog gear, mainly for my own dogs now since markets are canceled and I have no custom orders. We're working on agility things so hopefully by the time trials start again we will be able to superspeed out of Novice. We own 20 acres and our property is bordered by bushland, dirt roads winding through the trees, which is lovely for walking the dogs. As for Skuggi's assistance dog training, with social interactions basically forbidden, doing his public access test won't be happening for quite some time. The trainer I was going to do it with isn't able to get back to Australia this month as planned. He lives in the UK now and as you know, all international travel is banned. His license to certify assistance dogs expires in July and he said he won't be renewing it. So that's the end of that. When this is all over I guess I'll have to find another trainer who can certify him. Until then we carry on as normal as possible. 

Sparkie and Freya enjoying a bush walk earlier this week.

We picked up some wood and some wire netting to build a chook shed yesterday. I don't know when we'll be able to afford the actual chickens, but the materials were all free and it will be a fun project. And our little garden is growing well despite the kangaroos getting into the lettuces a few weeks ago. As well as the now rejuvenated lettuces, we have peas, strawberries, watermelon, radishes and an assortment of other sprouting herbs/vegetables.

Our garden.

Getting By

In my lifetime, there have been several outbreaks of "deadly diseases." But they always felt so distant. Australia was always safe enough from these things and nobody really worried about it over here. We have good healthcare available and a decent system for dealing with these things.

But a few weeks ago COVID-19 really started to affect Australia. In our local town, the feeling of panic amongst the community was intense. Everyone was in a hurry. People were stockpiling groceries like the world is going to end. A woman came into Mitre 10 in a rush as I was buying some clips for dog leads, looking around in a harried manner. When asked by a staff member if she needed help, she asked if they sold toilet paper. We have three big supermarkets in our town and apparently, they've all sold out. She was told that while Mitre 10 did have toilet paper usually, they'd also sold out earlier in the day. She walked out of the store with an increasing air of panic.

"We probably won't be able to contain this virus," said our health officials last month, "Everyone is at risk." They also told us not to panic but those words came too late and were easily overshadowed by the dire warning that came before. People are afraid and the media is loving it. "Deadly." "Death toll climbing." The whole country panicked. People ran to the shops and brought everything in bulk, leaving very little for the rest of us.

Fast forward to this week. COVID-19 has been declared a pandemic, bringing a fresh wave of fear to the country when it seemed like things were starting to calm down. Now, the Australian government is limiting how many people can meet up at a time. Events are being canceled. The recommendation to have two weeks of supplies on hand is impossible for us to follow. Without an income (besides the tiny amount we get from the government a fortnight), we are severely limited in how much we can buy at a time. And what's left on the shelves now is the more expensive products, which makes it even harder.

We're being careful, of course, but I'm not scared of getting sick. I'm scared that we won't have enough food to get through if this situation gets worse or if we did get sick. It's a tough time to be broke.

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In other news.

Our calves were going to be transported at the end of last month, but then the guy who was going to move them changed his mind because some of them have horns. He was worried about his truck getting damaged, which is fair enough but still annoying. Someone paid in advance for a month's worth of feed for the calves so we didn't have to worry about that, although we're halfway through that feed now and there's still no sign of our situation improving.

Someone gave us enough money to get a new generator, so I am able to keep sewing dog gear. We went to the local markets last weekend and sat there for five hours, and I sold absolutely nothing. A disappointing day.

 Skuggi hurt his foot so we weren't able to go to the agility trial at the beginning of the month. He's healed now though so we're planning to go to one next Saturday. Although at this point, I'm not sure if the trial will still go ahead.

We keep applying for jobs, but potential employers continue to muck us around (if they even respond to us at all) and then give the job to someone else. Nobody seems to understand how desperate we are. I'm so fed up with it.

So I think that's everything I needed to update you on. Life has taken on a bit of surreal feeling in the past few days. We live in very interesting times.

A Whole Lot Of Suck

Last night our generator died. It's out of warranty and we don't have enough money to buy a new one. We have a battery powered by solar that can charge our phones but that's about it. So here is one last blog post before my computer runs out of battery.

Although we haven't had any scorching heat so far, it has been pretty humid for most of the month, keeping it warm during the night which hasn't been nice. We've had a decent rainfall forecast a few times but we always miss out on most of it. Our property is in a dry spot, unfortunately. The dust is incredibly annoying and every time we have a windy day, it picks up huge clouds of it and it's impossible to keep it out of the bus. Everything and everyone is pretty much always covered in dust. 

The truck that is meant to transport our calves is fixed now, but immediately after that, we had a flat-out busy week. Tess had to go the vet twice, once to get a small lump on her face examined and then again for the surgery to remove it. The surgery went well and Tess has recovered nicely. We're still waiting on the test results though and hoping for good news. 

Now Spartan has started limping. He has some problem with his hooves, that will hopefully fix themselves with time because we don't have the facilities to restrain him for any treatment. We can hire a head bale from the vet but we don't have any yards, and he's not as quiet as Logan to just be led into the bale. Being homeless sucks and it was never supposed to be like this. So anyway, Spartan can't be sent away until his feet are better so they all have to stay for a bit longer.

The agility day was super fun and it was great to get away from reality for a bit. Skuggi ran the courses nicely for the most part and actually surprised me with how well he did with some new challenges. 

I am looking forward to our first real trial of the year which is coming up early next month. I was hoping to pull enough money together to actually get there. All the donations have been used up for food, fuel, and bills as usual and once again they've stopped coming in. So I started pushing my dog gear business again and I finally had another customer order for the first time in over a year but of course, without a generator, I can't use my sewing machine anymore. It seems like nothing I do ever works out.

Hopefully

Our job searches continue to be unsuccessful, despite many applications. And at the beginning of January, we had only one hay bale left for our cattle, several bills to pay, very little food for ourselves, and only $4 left in the bank. The thought of having to make an impossible decision about our pet cattle was devastating. Thankfully, after I posted on Facebook about our situation, several people donated enough money to keep them (and ourselves) fed for a little while longer. 

My friend has a property near Colac, VIC, which they have offered to let us put our cattle on for free until we can get our life sorted out. I had a transport company all ready to take them, but at the last minute his truck broke down and repairs are taking a long time. So we get to keep our babies for longer still.

In preparation for sending them away, Goldie has been "dried off" now, meaning we slowly stopped milking her and so she stopped producing any milk. Going back to the store brought milk was a shock. It tastes so gross compared to Goldie's fresh stuff! Even the milk from the fridge section marketed as higher quality (and with a higher price to match) doesn't taste anywhere as delicious as hers. Hopefully in the future we will be able to breed her again, but at this point, it wouldn't be responsible, with our financial and living situation here.

The weather has been nicer to us this month compared to December's heat, but January was determined to get in one day over 40*C, giving us 43 degrees on the 31st. We have been lucky to avoid any forecasted hail with the cool change storms, although the strong winds have damaged our tents. Thankfully we don't have actually live in them anymore and they are only used as storage spaces.


December
Days over 40*C: 4
Days over 35*C: 9
Days over 30*C: 15
Rainfall: 5mm (approx)
January
Days over 40*C: 1
Days over 35*C: 5
Days over 30*C: 15
Rainfall: 25mm (approx)

Hopefully February will follow January's lead with lower temperatures, but fingers crossed for more rain. It's very dry and dusty here. Although February has already given us more rain than all of December, just on the first day when we got around 10mm of rain with the cool change, so it's off to a good start.

Next weekend we are going to an agility "fun day." It will be a good opportunity to test Skuggi's abilities and see what we need to work on before the competition season starts again in March. I'm trying to save up enough money to actually get to the trials, which is hard when my dog gear business has been at a standstill for over a year despite being open for orders the entire time. We are going to attempt some local markets soon so hopefully that will give it a kickstart.

There are a lot of "hopefully"s in this post. Because we can't move forward, we can't do anything without someone else. Someone to employ us, someone to buy my stuff, someone to donate money. It's so hard relying on other people but there is no way we can get out of this situation on our own so it's just a whole lot of "hopefully" these days.