Turn The Page

Sorry this blog has been so quiet lately, and my posts always seem so negative. This year has been a struggle, just one after another. Optimism is hard to come by these days. Just every time I feel like we've landed on our feet, the rug gets pulled out again and we have to start over. 

The future is always so uncertain, and never more so than at this time of the year. What will 2019 bring? Each new year I dream of better days. But each new year has just brought further darkness. It's hard not to see only the bad, looking back. More fuel for nightmares. Pain and death and horrible surprises at every turn. 

Skuggi started competing in agility in April. It has been some good, some bad. We only got one clear round out of 42 tries. He is definitely improving. It's not easy to give him enough experience running a full length course of 15 or so obstacles outside of actually competing, with my limited equipment at home. Back in October, Skuggi misjudged his strides at a trial and hit the jump bar at top speed, doing a full flip and landing on his neck. We got lucky. He wasn't hurt. After some rest and careful training to get his confidence back, we returned to compete at a two day trial in December. Skuggi placed 2nd twice and 1st once, out of six classes. We returned home late on Sunday night on an emotional high. 24 hours later we were rushing Skuggi to the vet suspecting he'd been bitten by a tiger snake on our evening walk. In the dark, the snake had been easily in striking range and combining that with finding corresponding marks on Skuggi's chin brought the high I was riding plunge all the way back down. Thankfully, Skuggi's blood tests came back clear. We got lucky. Again.

Sparkie's going blind. I noticed when we up in Sydney in March that she was unsure of her footing. Striped floors. Shadows. Those checker board tiles in the malls. She doesn't go out much now, and definitely doesn't work. She gets around at home okay so long as I don't change any layouts. I left the door open on Skuggi's crate one time and she walked into it, looked confused, and then walked into it again. She is still her happy, playful self aside from that though. The warmer winter we had up here did good for her arthritis.

And speaking of eyes, Logan's eye got an irritation last month. He had several treatments but it still took some time to heal. My poor little guy's always been accident-prone. His ear never recovered properly from being infected at the ear tag as a calf, and it grew folded over and droopy. And a few months ago it got a rip in it as well. Last summer he somehow cut the back of both his front legs, and the flies kept tickling it so he kept licking the scabs off, leaving permanent scars. So now
added to his scars and damages is a white smudge in the corner of his right eye. I suppose we still got lucky with that too. Once we had a cow have her whole eye removed after an irritation turned to infection and progressed too far.

There's more bad going on but I can't talk about that right now. Some things just have to be kept in the shadows for now. But we are going to get through this. As always, I can't wait to turn the page on this crappy year. I am beyond ready for some brighter days.

Trials

It's been a while since I posted here. I actually forgot about this blog until a few days ago.

Things have been pretty average around here since my last post. 

Skuggi's done two more agility trials, winning another two thirds and a first place. Yesterday's trial was definitely his best, where he won first place after every other dog in his class got disqualified for going off course. 

 This weekend marked three months since we started working on this farm, which means we officially passed our "trial period." Always a tense few months knowing it could be a temporary home. I love it here and I love the cows. Calving season starts next month and I can't wait to see more adorable babies running around. 

Also last month we started "breaking in" our pet calves. Logan and Goldie have been great but Spartan needs a lot more work.

No Reason Why

Trigger warning - pet death

It seems the second things are going right, the second I find myself enjoying life again, something always goes horribly wrong. But it's been a long time since life has thrown a curveball as terrible as last weekend.

On Saturday my mum, me, and Chantel went to Melbourne, for the AHBL9 Supernatural convention. It all went really well and we were having a fantastic time, up until Sunday afternoon about 4pm when we got the message that things back at home had gone terribly wrong. 

One of our four pet calves (who are now two year olds) had gotten tangled up in the hay feeder sometime during the night and had a serious leg injury. Although the vet said she hadn't broken any bones, there was muscle damage and Stormfly couldn't stand up. With such a big animal the inability to stand is a death sentence. The vet gave her antibiotics and pain relief for the night but he said it would probably be best to put her down. 

I don't remember much of the convention after that. I got my photos signed by the actors and tried to smile. Sparkie behaved like a professional of course, doing her job and trying to keep me in the moment. We wanted to take a train back that night but there were none until the morning.

So we left the city just before dawn, exhausted and anxious. It was three hours to the farm. Stormfly had not been able to stand up during the night and was now unable to keep herself sitting upright either. We stayed with her for hours, keeping her calm and trying to keep her sitting up. We offered her food and water but she wouldn't really take any. She was tired. We were all tired. Over the next few hours it became clear that she would never be able to stand up again, and twenty-four hours after that first terrible message, Daddy was calling the vet to put her down. We couldn't allow her to suffer any more.

Our three remaining "calves" watched the tractor carry her body away to be buried. There was excessive affectionate grooming between the three of them. They haven't called for their missing friend. I think they understand that she's gone. 

It was a freak, tragic accident. There are maybe twenty other cows in that paddock and we've been using that exact hay feeder for over a month. Why did it have to be one of ours who got injured, and on the one weekend we were gone?? There is no reason why. Life is unpredictable and cruel.

Worth The Fight

Wow, it has been a long time since I posted here. Sorry I've been so slack at updating. We got ourselves a new dairy farm job a month ago, its practices so dramatically different from our last job it almost feels like a different industry. Animal welfare is held to such a high standard they don't even separate the calves from the cows until weaning time. The babies stay with their mothers all day, feeding and socializing and playing in the paddocks until milking time, where they are separated for just a few minutes while their mother goes through the milking shed, and then they go back together for the night. 

We had a little calf, "Dot," who got sick. About the same time, she somehow hurt her leg so bad it couldn't take any weight. And then shortly after that, the foxes got to her. She was a fighter and we did what we could, but in the end she couldn't do it anymore. We made the call that she wasn't ever going to recover, and the boss got a vet to come out and humanely euthanize her, ending her suffering. It was the kindest thing for her, but something that was never an option at the old farm.

We went to Geelong two weeks ago to compete in an agility trial, and Skuggi ran eight courses over the two days, managing to get placings in half of them. We got two seconds, a third, and a fourth. He really loves this sport!

In two weeks it's Sparkie's turn for another adventure, where we take on the city for the weekend, for AHBL9. It's always so much fun to hang out with other fans of Supernatural, meet some of the actors, and do a little bit of sightseeing. "Touristy" stuff. Hopefully the weather is nice to us.

Highlights

I don't know how many people still follow this blog. It hasn't been very interesting lately, I know.

But we made it. We made it off the farm and to our new property. It was exhausting and stressful and several 1am bedtimes and then getting up at 7-8am to get it all done, but we did it. Setup at our new property is an ongoing project. 

Skuggi competed in his first agility trial on April 8 and although we didn't win anything, we had a heap of fun. I can't wait for the next trial!

While we were at the trial, we also got to meet Chelsea Marriner in person. Long-time blog followers may remember her as the inspiration for The Superdogs and my interest in dog agility. Well she was over here with one of her dogs to compete in the Australian Agility Nationals the following weekend, and I was lucky enough to get to say hi briefly and watch them run some courses. 

World Keeps Turning

March is hard at the best of times. Best of times being probably 2013 where things were running smoothly. We competed at a show with our dogs, finally sold our bus that had been on the market for years, brought Freya into our family, and everything was just so easy.

This month I came into the worst days running on barely any sleep. I spent three days in Sydney (which was fantastic but exhausting), we're just a few weeks out from leaving this farm, I've had Skuggi's agility plans completely stuffed up and now I'm not able to compete on the day I'd been planning for for three months, and to top it off, the boss has just said that we're not getting any more days off from now until the 30th but we also have to be out of this house by the 1st because the new worker is going to move in then. It's just one thing after another and I'd just really like some things to start going right this year.

On the bright side, Skuggi's agility training is going great, Sparkie totally rocked everything we threw at her during our Sydney trip (including her first two flights and two days crammed into a building with 4,500 people), and it seems like summer may be letting go quickly this year. With only four days this month so far reaching 30*C or above, and nine days under 25 (fyi the 15th day in the month, if you're adding them up, was 28), it's shaping up to be an early start to the cooler weather, which is perfect for dog training and working outdoors. I also took Skuggi to watch an agility trial recently to see how he handled the environment and work through any issues without the stress or time constraints of being there to compete, and he was absolutely amazing. The trial was held at the dog school grounds, and he seems to recognize it every time we pull into the carpark and he gets so happy and wriggly and whiny even when the grounds are empty. I watched some of the dogs running, and it was so fun and exciting and thinking about how one day that will be me and Skuggi out there was so inspiring and motivating. Skuggi got to walk around near the other dogs and the rings where they were running, and play with his toy and do some basic obedience, and he made friends with a fellow koolie owner as well. Super proud of him!

Last Day Of Summer

Change is approaching fast, but the details are still to be finalized. Our job here will end in just five weeks and we have nothing lined up for after. There's our twenty acres of bare land three hours away, but aside from that? The days are flying by so fast and I feel like I'm getting nothing done.

It's the end of February. Summer has been warm and dry, with just 30mm of rain so far this year. Our calves have eaten the grass in their paddock down to the dirt. The boss is overcharging us for the hay because he knows we need it. 

On Wednesday evening Mummy ran off the road driving home from town. Just ten minutes from home. When we got to the scene the car was partially through a fence with a post jammed underneath it, having gone over the wrong lane, down into the ditch, and hit a powerpole on the way. The car is a write off. Mummy was able to walk away with only minor injuries. We got so, so lucky with this. Just an inch less or a second more and I'd be telling a very different story today.

On a more positive note, Skuggi's agility training is going well. I finally sent in his registration this week, so hopefully next month we'll be able to compete! His assistance dog training is going great too and he had his first outing to a big city (Geelong) this month. Mummy and me and Sparkie are also flying to Sydney next week for a Doterra convention. 

You Won't See Me Fall Apart

I watched the sun go down on the last day of 2017 just minutes after watching a cow die a slow, agonizing death as she choked on her own blood and saliva, after spending four exhausting days helping her stand up every few hours and trying to keep her hydrated and fed, and if that doesn't perfectly sum up the year I don't know what does.

The sun goes down over the turnip crop, New Year's Eve 2017.

The sun goes down on cows still waiting for their silage dinner, after the feed wagon broke down, New Year's Day 2018.

This first month of 2018 has been full of struggle. Broken down machinery. Another cow fell down in the paddock and hurt her leg so bad she had to be shot. Another cow having her last days of retirement as she slowly loses all her weight and her eyes go dull - we told the boss it would be better to shoot her but he's convinced she'll hold on long enough to be sent to the meat-works. She's suffering and it breaks my heart, she deserves better than this. They all do. 

"Old Jersey" on the left, our old retired cow, with one of her paddock mates "Nailly," who has a permanent limp from an infected foot.

Feeding silage to next season's heifers.

Today, my dad texted the boss to tell him we're quitting. He'll hand in his resignation letter next time the boss is on the property.

I don't understand why everything is always so hard. I love these cows. I don't want to leave them, not in the care of their heartless owners. I don't want to witness the cruelty but I don't want to walk away. I see the way they look at me when we come back to work after a weekend off. Their eyes ask why and I wish we never had to take any days off ever again because every time we do, they are hurt or sick or underfed and on Monday, they are afraid to go into the yard for milking. They won't understand when I walk out and never come back. I don't want to think about what will happen when we're gone.

Bringing in our "limpys" this morning - Grams, Candy, and Nailly. All have long-term/permanent injuries and require a lot of time in a close paddock where they can focus on eating and resting, without having to walk long distances to/from the milking shed.

"And I want it and I wanted it bad,

But there were so many red flags.

Now another one bites the dust.

Yeah, let's be clear, I trust no one.

You did not break me.

I'm still fighting for peace."